Aftercare – Not an afterthought

Occasionally it’s bound to happen. You’re going to hook up with somebody off a kink hookup site whose level of experience is a bit less than what is publicized in their profile. So be it – it just means you get the opportunity to provide a mind-blowing first time for someone and that can be great fun.

My husband and I had this occur about eight months ago. We invited a young man over to be tied up and beaten on, with a focus on suspension coupled with some caning and percussion play. Okay, so he claimed to have had some history doing this in his online description but alas when he arrived he fessed up to be more of a newbie. We could certainly work him into it slowly. What was intriguing about this particular play date though was that the boy was quite tall – 6 foot 5 inches to be precise! Sir Bart and I love a challenge, and this was proving to be an enticing one, especially from a physics standpoint.

After some ground rules were laid out and a foundation for communication was established, we stripped the boy down and proceeded to rig him up in our suspension layout. Because of his size it was definitely a two-man effort and yes, we actually had to acquire a small step ladder to accomplish half of the restraining.  Laugh all you want, but the boy was moaning with pleasure. After we were satisfied with his mid-air positioning, we blindfolded him and buckled a thick gag into his mouth. Again, more moans of pleasure ensued. We continued with chaining his limbs out so he was completely helpless, and solidified the fact by inserting one of the ass toys he brought into his hole. He shook with delight at all that was being done to him.

When we were satisfied that he was alright in his airborne predicament, we asked if he was ready to play with some pain. He nodded his head with great enthusiasm, and Bart and  I looked at each other excitedly, ready to afflict. Bart attached a pair cruel tarp clamps to the boy’s nipples which caused him to writhe and swing, and I proceeded to snap a ball parachute on his jewels. Then we brought out the canes, and rhythmically hit his chest with them.

“How are you doing boy?” I would ask after each set of thumps. “Ready for a little more?” He would respond with a nod and I would continue, increasing tempo and impact. Sir Bart busied himself with the boy’s balls, progressively smacking them harder and harder as my caning continued. The boy was excited and moaning louder and louder and nodding his head inviting even more…

…and then, his head dropped, and he gave the verbal signal that he suddenly needed to stop. We promptly removed the leather gag and asked, “you alright boy?” He shook his head and was breathing hard.

“Sir..I – I can’t breathe. I’m -I ..oh god…” he said as he broke into a clammy sweat.

We knew exactly what was happening. He was basically having an overload of stimulus and endorphins, and was panicking himself into a bad headspace. I immediately took off his blindfold and gently grabbed his face. “It’s okay boy. We’ve got you. Slow your breathing down. You’re fine.”  Bart applied a cold wet towel to the back of the boy’s neck to alleviate any nausea as I gently stroked the sides of the boy’s head. “Calm boy. Slow breaths. We’ve got you. We’re going to bring you down.”

The boy focused on steadying his breathing as we unlocked the restraints and eased his tall body back to the ground. He was shaking and sweaty, and above all scared and what he was feeling.  So we brought him into the bedroom and laid his naked body out on the bed (again, a two-man job) and administered some aftercare. I laid down next to him and pulled his body in close to mine with his head on my chest, and ran my fingers through his hair to relax his mind and make him feel safe. At that point, he began to cry.

“Sirs, I don’t know what is happening to me. Why am I crying?” he said.

Reassuringly I responded, “Shh. It’s alright boy, you just experienced something very intense and it gave you a release. You don’t have to understand why.” Sir Bart then covered the boy with a blanket and just let him come down from the journey he took with us. I held onto him and allowed him to feel whatever he felt. His breathing slowed down and his body reached a calm state. We then brought in some cold water to hydrate him and some grapes to help his blood sugar back up. Frozen grapes to be precise – they are like crack if you’ve never tried them.  Eventually he felt like himself again and as he was getting dressed him said, “that was the most intense ride I’ve ever been on! Thank you Sirs, especially for taking care of me.”

The incident was a perfect example of why aftercare is such an important component of play. You are taking the sub on a journey where their breathing and heartbeat and ‘wavelengths’ are being brought up to a peaked level of intensity. To simply end without bringing them back down would leave them feeling ‘jarred’ into a kind of negative shock, and it’s not healthy in play. In fact, you could execute a brilliant scene as far as your skills and technique are concerned, yet negate all you created by not bringing the bottom back to a stable ground. This tall boy had never experienced this kind of intense play before. Had we not taken the time to actually take care of him and enable him to process what was going on in his body and mind, conceivably we could sabotage his desire to explore any kind of future kink play. That, would be a tragedy.

Incidentally, I feel very strongly that Doms need aftercare as well. We put a lot of energy and attention in taking the sub on a journey while being vigilant about their headspace and their safety. When the scene is complete, the Dom has worked very hard. I find it makes me feel ‘whole’ again to have my own means of coming down from a scene. Most anyone who has played with me knows that one of my favorite things after topping in a scene is having my back rubbed by the bottom. I know it sounds tame, but it really makes me feel connected to the person I’ve embarked on the journey with. It’s a non-verbal way of saying “thank you” for the awesome scene that was created.

And yes, the tall boy did offer to rub my back once he felt like himself again. And the best words came out of his mouth when he offered to do so:

“It will be my pleasure to massage you Sir. Did I mention I’m a chiropractor?”

It’s times like this where I LOVE being me 🙂

dart_del614

Photos of Sir Dart and Delano by Michele Serchuk

3 thoughts on “Aftercare – Not an afterthought

  1. Once again, well written and as I’ve seen several posts about how people make too much fuss about aftercare lately, I like seeing this opposing viewpoint. Also, on a shallower note? This sounds incredibly hot.

  2. Pingback: I’m starting with ropes | Norwegian Leatherman

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