I know how the majority of us feel about this holiday and if you’re like me, I despise it. The amount of insanity and chaos I see just in the people travelling and purchasing and cooking all for an audience that they don’t really care to be with and don’t get any kind of gratification from is very sad, really. But the one thing that most kinksters and leatherfolk like us embrace around this time is the company of who we choose to be with and call ‘family’, in whatever capacity that may be. Most of us are already given the label of ‘black sheep’ by our biological families, and then on top of it we have lives and connections and play that sets us apart even moreso. But we are blessed in that we can choose to spend our holiday with those that we are loved and accepted by, or simply enjoy the company of, and call them family.
I haven’t spent the holidays with my bio family in over a decade. I don’t ‘hate’ who they are, it’s just that the majority of the interaction when I am with them is in the form of put-downs and ridicule. My mother stopped including herself in the gatherings for the same reason and used to tell me, “only surround yourself with people that fan the flame of your spirit.” Yes it’s a trippy saying but I love it and it holds true. So more times than not I am either with the company of friends or leather family, or I chose to work. And I see to it that I feel the blessing of whatever connection I chose.
With these holidays, or really any day for that matter, please keep something in mind when it comes to ‘chosen family’. This is a term that is thrown around in leather a great deal and unfortunately there are some that forget one important aspect of it – the emotional responsibility that comes with it. In other words, if someone has chosen you to be family to them, it is up to you to cherish that they did so. This person has informed you that you are special and important to them. They enjoy your company and feel lit up when they are with you. You provide something for them that makes their life a little better and a little happier for whatever reason. The only reason you have connected is because you chose to do so, so don’t shit on it. Don’t take it for granted, don’t treat it as an emotional dumping grounds, and don’t be one-sided. Honor the sharing you have and nurture it. Remember, you can always be un-chosen as well.
With whatever connections you make this holiday, please take the time to cherish the person you chose to connect with and vice versa; whether it’s extended leather family or a co-worker stuck at work with you, or even the neighbor you don’t really know but they took 10 minutes to stop by your house to deliver a nasty homemade fruitcake that you’re not going to touch. The bottom line is, someone took the time to let you know that you are important to them for whatever reason, and we need to do a lot more of that to counteract the cruelty this holiday brings.
To all the people I consider ‘family’ in one form or another, thank you. I love you immensely and you all fan the flame of MY spirit 🙂
Now, back to work, and enjoying the awesome company of this really fun flight crew….