I want to start off by apologizing and taking full ownership of the passive-aggressive nature to this blog post. This is my chance to vent about something that has been going on for months and I want to hopefully turn it into something that will benefit others. Back in May, I was approached by an aspiring Dom who wanted to gain expand his skillset and be mentored into having more experience. His boy had a plethora of experiences under his belt and his Daddy wanted to up his game to be able to satisfy the boy’s kinky needs. He approached me to train him in this, and we set up a whole dynamic where he would actually be a boy to my husband and myself to learn firsthand from the perspective of being a sub. We were all very excited about the possibilities we had created and were all eager to embark on the journey. I might also add that I hold this gentleman in very high regard as a friend, so it was a deep honor that he was willing to submit to me for the sake of learning.
Sadly, none of our sessions have come to fruition. At first, it was simply a matter of scheduling when everyone was available. The gentleman does not live locally so there was some travel involved and unfortunately some elements beyond our control required us to reschedule. Nobody was to blame, was just a typical case of ‘shit happens’.
Months would go by though, and I would find myself wanting to stay engaged in what we had initially created. At first the responses I would get would be on the lines of, “yes we are still interested. Let’s look at the first week of next month.” Then of course to no avail. Eventually it got to the point where I would send texts and either not get a response, or what I would get would be stoic but cordial. Rather than making a decision one way or the other and communicating it to me, I would continue to be strung along, left in a kind of limbo.
The dynamic is much like playing a tennis game, and my serve is not being returned.
I get that things change, circumstances change. Life happens and things just get beyond our control sometimes. What is most disappointing about all of this though is I think very highly of this gentleman and consider him a friend, and I’m not sure he realizes how much I invested in his growth emotionally. I can certainly forgive the fact that things just didn’t happen like we thought and some of it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was my belief though that he respected our friendship a lot more than his actions are showing, and that is probably what hurts the most.
I wish people would understand that Doms are not tough archetypes as they portray themselves to be in the playroom or the bar or event. We are not emotionally ‘cold’ and brute, we are human beings who get hurt feelings just like anybody else. When we are approached to mentor or teach or take on someone as a sub, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable emotionally. A person might draw the conclusion of, ‘Oh Sir such-and-such won’t mind he’s got tons of stuff going on already” or “Well they’ve already got a couple of boys to keep them occupied, I won’t be missed.” I’ve seen this happen with others and with me. I’ve also seen it in reverse with boys or subs who have lots of activities going on and lots of play where the Dom simply says, “the boy has got plenty going on he won’t miss a text from me” Again, the ball is not returned in the court, and feeling are hurt. It causes the person to want to be more guarded next time.
My husband often says I open my heart up a bit too easily to people, and it leaves me open to being disappointed like this. Obviously he is protective of me and just hates seeing me get hurt. I have to agree with him, but I also feel that it’s simply one of the qualities that makes me the Sir that I am. I am a man who cares, and loves. I have compassion and I like seeing others soar. And yes, it does leave me open to get hurt at times, but it’s also one of the things about me that enable others to grow and to trust.
So, rant over. I shall continue to be the leatherman and Sir that I am. It simply feels better to do so. But alas, I declare ‘love’ with this particular tennis match.