Being a Carnival Ride

December 11, 2015 by Sir Dart

When I first began learning rope bondage, I got very amped about getting to play with others and show them my new skill. Having been strictly a rope bottom in my twenties, I got excited at the prospect of finally getting to ‘turn the tables’ and tie up hot men myself. And sure enough, that’s how it all started to unfold for me. I would go out to bars like the Faultline in LA – one of my favorites – and bring a bag of rope with me seeing what kind of trouble I could craft. Everyone would have a bit of a buzz going on from the beer, inhibitions would lower, and out I’d bring a length to carry out the deed.

“What’s that for..?” they would ask coyly, often with a grin. And a nice little bondage scene would take place right there in the corner as I lashed them up. Other guys would watch with intrigue and give me their contact numbers to play, and eventually I began to be invited to parties and to teach at events.

As the months progressed, more guys would approach me asking to be tied up right there in the bar or to schedule a playscene at some point during the event. Sometimes it would be more than one, and immediately my weak ego was being fed. I drew this inaccurate conclusion of being popular and ‘desired’, and in turn setting myself up for great disappointment. Eventually as I continued playing and playing and accommodating other people’s dance cards, I would go back home or to my hotel room, and I’d feel empty. I didn’t understand why I felt that way, but it would get to be almost draining. It suddenly dawned on me, that I didn’t feel like the people I was tying up actually connected with me, they just wanted the rush of what I could do with the rope. I thought, “oh gosh these people are drawn to me – doesn’t that just make me feel special” but the reality was, they were drawn to my skillset. I was confusing these experiences of others wanting me to do things to them as wanting to connect with me. I felt used.

I can remember a few years back when I accompanied friends to various events that we were all presenting at, and they would ask me, “Dart can you do me a favor? Will you tie up my husband at some point? Can you give my girl a bondage experience? My other half has trust issues but trusts you – can you do a rope harness on them?” It is a very flattering and honorable thing to be considered trustworthy by others in this fashion, but it can also make you feel a bit like a public utility. The problem with my friend’s requests was that some of the individuals I had no chemistry or attraction to, and to me the tying of the rope was a very intimate thing. So I would politely decline the request, and when I would diplomatically explain why, they would get offended. I wanted to say, “Hey don’t I have rights in this?”

As you learn new skills whether it’s bondage or pup handling or throwing a singletail whip, always remember that these are all an extension of yourself. Rope and other toys mean nothing until you infuse it with your own unique character and spirit. And that being said, it’s also up to YOU to preserve your energy and not let yourself become a carnival ride. The empty feelings I spoke of earlier were not the fault of the people I played with. They were all simply responding to what I was offering, and that was play without any kind of autonomy or boundaries for myself. It was my own doing that left me feeling so empty time after time.

Now if you’ve volunteered as a top for a sampler or educational event where people can come up and feel what the play is, that’s different. In those cases you have made yourself available and freely give the experience to others for the sake of broadening their horizons. If you are a bottom participating, even in those cases you must remember that the top is still using a great deal of their personal energy to share what they know. Honor that they are human beings like everyone else and may need aftercare of their own.

Keep this in mind as well if you are wanting to be on the receiving end of someone’s ability. If all you’re doing is focusing on what they can do, you are taking away from who they are; and you’re robbing an opportunity for a connection. Cherish that this person has given this extension of themselves to you and vice versa. To do so makes a cathartic exchange possible, and best of all leaves a possibility for seconds!

We should all strive to be an E ticket with one another! 🙂

The Pup Thing

December 10, 2015 by Sir Dart

Yes, after being strictly a handler for several years, it happened. Out of the blue, I found myself wanting to be a pup myself. I wanted to get on all fours with my leather mitts locked on my fists, my knee pads snugly in place, a collar on my neck and a tail in my arse that I could wag…

And yes, my pup name is Jet. Quite apropos.

So, how the hell did this happen? Apparently it’s a virus that lays dormant in the body for an extensive length of time until one day, it presents itself and you just have the urge. And when you do, all the other human pups smugly respond how they have been waiting for this day and that “they knew it all along” and blah blah blah. Or arf arf arf rather.

Actually the desire to explore being a pup came about from a suggestion made by a bondage playmate I was submitting to. One day he was threatening to turn me into a pup against my will and interact with me like that for the remainder of the session. It was honestly the first time I had ever considered being on the receiving end of a leash, and admittedly I was aroused by the idea. The time had come for me to have chew toys of my own.

And I have to say, it’s a blast. Sometimes with all the activity and being in charge that goes on with daily life, it’s great fun to get together with my handler Sir Brent (which doesn’t happen enough), get on all fours and play. There’s only the present moment when I’m in that mode – everything is just NOW. If it’s not in my present view, it doesn’t exist. And all I have to do is be on the receiving end of Sir’s love and affection, not to mention belly rubs. I like it because it’s simple; there’s not a lot of “rules” or extensive tradition-laden protocols we have to abide by. It’s very freestyle and organic, and we don’t have to deal with others telling us the way it’s supposed to be done. Now on occasion I will encounter a pup here and there who ascribe to the competitive “I’m more canine than thou” creed, citing claims that these newcomer kids just don’t truly understand and embrace the ‘pup spirit’ like the more seasoned hounds. Seriously? To me this is all about having a good time and freeing up in play. I’m not about to prove my authenticity by drinking out of the toilet. Also, there are those who have been judgmental to leather newbies who choose pup play as their entry experience as opposed to be being a boy or a slave. They think it’s wrong that they are choosing what the apparent ‘trend’ is..

*Eye roll*. Calm down and throw me a squeaky. We’re all just having a good time. Keep it simple.

One other thing I’m really enjoying about this exploration is being part of an older demographic of pups. Puppy play is usually comprised of younger folks in their twenties and thirties, or at least the majority of what you encounter is that age range. To be a man in his late forties and be accepted as a kind of ‘alpha’ muscle pup that the younger pups look up to is a great joy. I actually have a pup brother named Spike who is of the same age bracket and body type. He is sexy and covered in tatts, and we have had many a hot scene, doggy style (I’ll let your mind go where it may with that). I also have a good friend whose pup name is Merit, and he loves when I address him as ‘beta’ as that is how he sees himself to Jet. There’s also Runt, Artie, Beast, Cobalt, Chopper – to name a few; all dear friends with an added ‘canine’ benefit. Of course, sometimes in the mosh pit there’s the occasional wrestling match that ensues between pups in a fight for dominance. Hmm…wrestling with other hot human canines on the floor to achieve a position of power – bring it on!

*Wags*

Now to check out the new tails from Mr. S…

Rope-shaming

December 9, 2015 by Sir Dart

Ugh – major pet peeve of mine.

A few weeks ago we decided to get to know our local leather community here in Virginia Beach, and went to their appointed night at the local bar. The leather group was doing a fundraiser for the local food bank, so we came equipped with canned goods as well as a bag of rope to ‘instigate’ a little play right there in the bar <evil grin>.

Well, after a few liberally appointed gin and tonics followed up with some jello shots, we managed to coerce a cute young man to ‘volunteer’ to be trussed up. He was absolutely adorable, and although he claimed to be 26 years old he didn’t look a day over 18 – although that could also be a product of my getting older *sigh*. He removed his shirt revealing completely flawless unblemished skin and a beautiful set of abs, and he had a face that was almost cherubic with a set of ‘smiling’ eyes. He looked at us and said, “this boy is all yours, Sirs. I need to be controlled.” We just about melted. In that moment, Santa Clause was real. I cast the first length of rope onto his torso and he closed his eyes and shivered with excitement as the lengths were tightened across his chest. The grin that ensued as each knot was secured on his arms and wrists gave us fire to keep the dance going, and I held his body against mine as Bart silenced his mouth with black tape. The moans of pleasure vibrated through his body into mine and we both got animalistic as we turned him into a piece of property. More and more rope was added to secure him in place, and I pulled him deeper into submission each time I ‘cinched with gusto’ as my dear friend Midori coaches in her classes. The three of us were having a scene, and the pleasure was being had by not only us but by those who chose to watch. Each time we stroked the boy’s body with our hands our our tongues, he writhed in ecstasy. This is what I love about bondage.

Eventually the boy needed to be let out, so we slowly undid the ropes and brought him back into a grounded state. The ride was a joy for all of us, and people came up to share how much they enjoyed watching. There was one gentleman who commented how he loved seeing the exchange that was happening, but he added, “that being said, I’ll forgive you for the Granny knot I saw” and chuckled.

“Granny knot..?” I asked.

“Well yeah,” he responded. “I mean I’m sure what you meant to do was a square knot but yeah, you totally flubbed and did a Granny! But hey, we’re all allowed a mistake.”

And alas, this is something that I think really spoils rope bondage for everybody. See, I have great respect for all the pretty ornamental Kinbaku bondage stuff that you see in fancy photographs and at various bondage cons. It’s an art form, and it can be very difficult to execute. But it’s still just rope, and when I use it it’s because I want to secure a hot guy and do fun and mean things to him. If I’m doing my job right, ultimately he’s not going to care what kind of knots I use or how ‘pretty’ they are, and frankly neither am I! The point is, we had a connection happening and the rope was a part of it, but not the focus.

Now I know this man meant well and was not trying to be a jerk in his comment. He was actually quite gracious to talk to. It did illustrate though something that I think really gets in the way of people learning about and enjoying rope bondage. Some people get too pretentious with the specifics of Japanese styles or what types of knots are ‘supposed’ to be used. The bottom line is bondage is play – it’s about what’s happening between the top and the bottom. If there is serious passion and chemistry in the exchange, the last thing anyone should notice is whether the knot used is a bowline, a granny, or a bow for that matter. When you ‘rope shame’ somebody’s bondage because it doesn’t look a certain way, you invalidate the connection that just happened between them and their sub. It’s just rope! Keep it fun!

And incidentally I kept my response to the gentleman very simply and polite: “A granny knot? Well, judging by the look on the boy’s face, I think he’ll forgive me.”

Maleform Bondage – racking my brain

December 8, 2015 by Sir Dart

So speaking of ROPECRAFT, one of the classes I have been asked to teach is on the specifics of tying up a male body – something I happen to love! And yes, this will include some hands-on details about lashing up the cock and balls. I’m pretty excited about this class, but also a bit anxious as I am creating the class as we speak.

Most of the events Bart and I are asked to present at are pansexual, and this means that any kind of rope bondage that occurs is usually with women. And rightfully so, as women’s bodies bode very well for positions that require flexibility and contortion generally speaking. But being a gay man, I simply don’t connect with a female body when it comes to bondage and play; there just isn’t a chemistry. For me, I love using the rope to secure a rock hard muscular man – especially one that is bigger than me – feeling the knots on the tautness of their body, the smell of the sweat, the deep grunting and moans of frustration. And then to secure their throbbing cock and hear their agony as the ropes constrict the bloodflow like a cockring as I edge them against their will, as they try to cuss me out through the confinement of the rope bridle gag I’ve secured in their mouth. They look at me pleadingly with the male prowess in their eyes, and bits of drool gently seep from their lips onto their beard. They know I’m in control now and they willfully submit in their helplessness……

….yeah, this is what I’m teaching in February, complete with live demonstration of course.

Now I just gotta create it 🙂

And for the record, someone asked me if I was going to be demonstrating the cock and ball bondage portion on myself. Alas, the answer is NO. I want the attendees to be able to actually see the subject matter without having to put on their glasses….

Upcoming event: ROPECRAFT! Feb, 19-21

December 7, 2015 by Sir Dart

For those of you who are looking to refine your skills with rope bondage, or maybe rope is something you never understood because it seemed like one of those types of kink play that simply ‘takes too long’, I want to tell you about an exciting event coming up in Austin TX, called ROPECRAFT , presented by my awesome friend Graydancer. It’s a unique rope bondage conference where there will be a wide spectrum of techniques, intentions, and skill levels. You’ll find internationally renowned performers and bedroom players and Western fusion and Kinbaku. There will be people who have raised their craft to the level of art tying right along with those who don’t give a damn how you tie them as long as you tie them tight and tie them now.

This is also the con to attend if you really don’t understand what the big deal is about rope is, or think it “takes too long,” or is too complicated. It is the con for people wanting to improve basic skills and people working on the really fancy stuff. It’s the place where you can meet and learn from some of the best rope enthusiasts in the world.

There will have three nights of sex-positive play space RIGHT IN THE HOTEL. The producers are partnering with the amazing people at Bondage Expo Dallas and Bonds of Steel to bring you rock-solid suspension frames, tripods, crosses, benches, and a few surprises, too: BoS is creating equipment that will be premiering at ROPECRAFT. That means you can be among the first to use it! There will also be all-day access to a practice room in addition to the Ropenspace Sunday afternoon. We’re also making sure that there is plenty of room for floorwork, self-suspension, or even non-rope play if that’s what you’re looking for.

I am very humbly honored to be slated as a guest of honor for this event, alongside my dear friend and kick-ass rope teacher, Midori, and we will be joined by 17 world-class presenters offering classes of all forms and skill levels. I myself will be teaching are infamous Predicament Bondage class, as well as the Dynamics of the Switch and a brand new class, Bondage for the Male Body (’cause it’s just not the same as tying up a woman).

The event is on February 19-21 in Austin TX. and you can find more information about it and purchase tickets here:

ROPECRAFT!

The link also has information regarding the host hotel and booking rooms. I’m very excited about being included in this upcoming con and I encourage all rope enthusiasts – novice to expert – to check it out! It will prove to be a very fun time for all!

Sir Dart